My friends told me I was making my wife too comfortable by giving her money every month. I listened to them… and that was the biggest mistake I made in my marriage.
My friends told me I was making my wife too comfortable by giving her money every month. I listened to them… and that was the biggest mistake I made in my marriage.
They said,
Brother, be careful. When you give a woman too much freedom with money, she will forget how to respect you.
At first, I disagreed.
But after hearing it repeatedly from people I trusted, I started thinking maybe they were right.
My wife had just become a full-time mother after we welcomed our second child. Before then, she was working and had always been the type of woman who could take care of herself.
She bought her own clothes, paid for her personal things, and never really depended on anyone.
But after giving birth, everything changed.
She had to stay home with the baby, and naturally, I became responsible for everything.
Every month, I used to give her money for herself.
Not just for food or household expenses.
Money she could use to buy whatever she wanted without explaining herself.
A dress she liked.
Her skincare.
A snack she was craving.
Anything.
But one day at work, the topic came up during a conversation with my friends.
One of them asked,
Do you still give your wife that monthly money?
I smiled.
Yes. Why?
He laughed.
My brother, you are creating a problem for yourself.
I looked confused.
How?
He leaned closer.
Because you’re making her too dependent. A woman should know that money doesn’t come easily.
I shook my head.
“She’s my wife, not a stranger. If she needs something, why should she struggle to ask?”
Another friend joined the conversation.
“That’s how it starts. Today you give her money every month. Tomorrow she will feel entitled. Let her understand that you are the one providing.”
I went home that day thinking deeply.
Maybe I had been doing too much.
Maybe I was spoiling her.
So the next month, I reduced the money I gave her.
Then I stopped completely.
I still provided for the house.
Food was available.
Bills were paid.
The children had everything they needed.
So I thought everything was fine.
But I didn’t realise that my wife was quietly struggling.
My wife was not the type to complain.
She was someone who would rather go without than ask.
One evening, I came back from work earlier than usual.
I walked into the room and saw her sitting on the bed, going through her old handbag.
When she noticed me, she quickly closed it.
I smiled.
What are you hiding?
She laughed nervously.
Nothing.
But something about her expression made me curious.
Later that night, after the children slept, I asked her gently.
Are you okay?
She smiled.
Yes, I’m fine.
But I noticed she wasn’t herself.
The next morning, while looking for a document, I accidentally opened the drawer where she kept her personal things.
Inside, I saw something that broke my heart.
There were several items she had written down.
Things she needed.
A new pair of sandals.
A hair appointment.
Some personal care products.
Even a simple outing with her friends.
Beside each one, she had written:
Later.
Not important.
Manage.
I stood there quietly.
My wife had been denying herself basic things while I was thinking I was teaching her responsibility.
That evening, I asked her,
“Why didn’t you tell me you needed these things?”
She looked surprised.
“Needed what?”
I showed her the list.
Her eyes became wet.
She sat down quietly and said,
“I didn’t want to disturb you. I know there are bills to pay. I know we have responsibilities. I just thought I should manage.”
Those words hit me.
Because I suddenly realised something.
My wife wasn’t abusing my kindness.
She was protecting my peace.
The woman who had carried my child, taken care of my home, and stood beside me was quietly sacrificing because she didn’t want to become a burden.
I held her hand and said,
“I’m sorry. I listened to people who don’t live in this house more than the woman who shares her life with me.”
She smiled.
“But you provide for us. That’s what matters.”
I shook my head.
“No. Taking care of a family is not only about paying bills. It is also about making sure the person beside you feels loved, valued, and remembered.”
From that day, I started giving her a monthly allowance again.
But this time, I didn’t see it as giving her money.
I saw it as appreciating my partner.
And something beautiful happened.
My wife became even happier.
She started taking better care of herself.
She smiled more.
She became more energetic.
And our home became more peaceful.
I learnt a lesson I will never forget.
Sometimes, a person can have everything they need but still feel forgotten.
Your spouse should never have to beg for the little things that make them feel valued.
Marriage is not about proving who has power.
It is about making sure the person you love never feels alone.
Morals:
Never allow outsiders who don’t understand your home to decide how you treat your spouse.
A loving partner is not someone who only provides necessities but someone who also pays attention to the little things that bring happiness.
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© Chiamaka Favour Christian
THE STORYTHERAPIST 🩺
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